Shona Polony (A Consett Legend)

by: Paul Hunter (2014)

This is the story of Shona polony.

For a lass that loved chips She was really quite bony.

Shona was barred from most pubs of course

The Masons

The Turf

The Duke and Black Horse.

The reason for this is when Shona Was drinking

Shona did things without really thinking.

At the drop of a hat she would lift up her top,

and all stood around her would ask her to stop.

All of them knowing she’d just go too far,

And whip Jagerbombs from her black lacy bra.

One night in the Fountain

Down on all fours

She sang Pretty Flamingo to rounds of applause.

Then rounded it off with a howl of delight

As she staggered away out into the night.

Then Shona stopped coming into the pubs

She stopped showing up bleary eyed in the club’s

And ev’ryone wondered where Shona had gone,

Folk started wondring if something was wrong,

Some people said that she’d gone off to Spain

And thought would they ever see Shona again.

Some thought she’d turned sober

Some thought she died

At the thought of no Shona Some of them cried.

For Shona was harmless

Gentle and kind

And when people laughed

Shona just didn’t mind.

Then one Saturday night at quarter to ten

Shona Polony turned up once again

Singing and shouting

And riding a pony.

Totally naked.

Shona Polony…

A real character? Was she real?? You decide…